(I’m still changing some things in this chapter, so stick with me- this was only my second draft of it)
Daisy booked another night at the Sonder-Pierce and settled into the beautiful, cozy apartment. Eventually, she would need to find a permanent residence and a job, but this will have to do until then. She opened a cup of ramen soup, soaked it with water from the sink faucet and set it in the complimentary microwave. While the timer counted down from a minute, she stared out the ceiling-to-floor window at the tall buildings in the city. She remembered Florida. Her mom. The tall fat pink buildings. All of this was so unfamiliar, but somehow strangely beautiful and comforting. She didn’t miss the smell of weed and alcohol, or the sound of her mother coming through the front door at 4am- some guy with a raspy voice dropping her off. One time, when she was little, she had looked out her bedroom window and saw a rusty red pickup truck parked outside, and a shaggy unkept man kissing her mother goodnight before she walked through the door. Daisy’s whole childhood, Lucy never let other men into their house, but she knew what they were doing anyways; her mom was out with them all night. Daisy always promised herself she would never end up like that- coming home late at night smelling like alcohol and another man.
The microwave beeped it’s finishing tone, and Daisy was pulled from her daydreaming. She took her soup from the little oven and stirred it, walking over to a reclining chair by the window. Maybe she did miss it a little bit- that was her mom; her only mom. She looked down into her soup. It was a small brown pond. She often had quick meals like this at her mom’s house. It was always ramen, cereal, or instant oatmeal; when they had something more grandiose, like chicken and rice, it was always Daisy who had prepared it.
She wondered if her mom was in the living room right now, watching ‘I Love Lucy’ and smoking a bowl of weed while picking at some cereal, like she always did at eleven in the morning. Sometimes, Daisy would come downstairs in the morning and find her mom pre-rolling a few blunts for the week- she always rolled them herself, because, “other places ain’t roll ‘em right”, she would say, “and’en I also know it’s got good quality weed inside. Enrique’s farm don’t got organic cannabis” (Enrique was Lucy’s most frequent guy-friend, the one with the red truck, and his was also the farm a lot of the little drug sellers in their area used).
Daisy stirred in her seat. She guessed she hadn’t thought she would have ever felt, in a way, nostalgic about it. Maybe it was just because that’s how her whole growing-up life was like. It was familiar and routine. But now she was off on her own, quite confident in herself and very grown up- she had to be; she was always the one taking care of things. But, she was in Boston now. And the money she earns is hers to keep. It’s her own life- one she has full freedom with. This change was good. It was time for her to move on with her life and leave all that mess behind- it wasn’t hers to fix anymore. It never really was hers to fix, but it seemed she was the only one that would.
She sipped on her soup, which had cooled a little by now, and smiled to herself. Her life is completely new now and possibility is everywhere. She could finally take the chances and pick up any great opportunity that came her way. This was certainly good.
May’s next week was filled with tears and confusion and un-pin-pointed stress. Her life was just a ball of yarn that some big cat in the sky was rudely playing with. She knew this meant that things could begin again and start anew, but why did it feel so dang hard to reclaim her life as her own? As if individuality was difficult? It felt odd being so free, and that’s when she realized, maybe she hadn’t been. She always thought she had control and that it was mostly okay, but she guessed now that it wasn’t. Why did it feel like there were so many loose ends and like she was freefalling into a never-ending black hole? Her head was always spinning.
But then there was chamomile tea and her best friend. Yes, life felt so dang out of control right now, but yes, she had a good anchor and a strong support system- which she knew she was lucky for and extremely thankful. She never realized just how watched she was, until she wasn’t, and how controlled she had been, until she no longer was. It was odd, and she didn’t even know why it felt that way. Shouldn’t it just feel good? Shouldn’t she just feel happy? What was wrong with her emotions? Why was everything in the room spinning?
She clutched her head, it was another migraine. She’s been having those recently and she wished they would just go away and leave her alone- she had enough to deal with, like… Independence? She groaned. Today was Wednesday- almost Thursday, again- and also, statistics day. It’s not that she was bad at the math, she just hated the class. She knew it really was necessary for her career in business marketing, though, so she couldn’t even complain that she would never use it.
May was zoned out the whole time Mr. Minowski was demonstrating on the whiteboard how to calculate a percentile. The class was over in five minutes, it felt like. She closed her book and put it in her backpack and blended in with the crowd of students bustling off to their next class. The world felt like an odd cartoon to her. Like those ones where everyone in the crowd and everything around them is just gray. Barely real. She almost expected to feel rain and hear thunder outside, but there was none; not yet.
However, what she did see everywhere were flyers around campus for a harvest festival corn maze event, and pumpkins and faux fall leaves adorning everything. It felt cheery and cozy. This was her favorite time of year. Fall season just felt like a hug. And a pumpkin spice latte was a hug in a mug. For the first time in a week, May smiled. Maybe it was all going to be okay… eventually. If not right now, one day- and that hope was all she needed right now. She would just hold onto that, and maybe grab her favorite fall latte on the way home.
If God was good enough to create fall, he was good enough to redeem her future. She was convinced of that.
Today, Daisy was nervous. Not a worried nervous, but an excited, antsy nervous. She was going to the library this afternoon to write up and print out a resume. The sun shone brightly and she felt like it was wishing her good luck. The slight chilly weather reminded her it was just about the end of this year. Fall and new beginnings was such a beautiful mix.
It was close to October by now. Pumpkin ornaments hung in coffee shop windows, fall leaves decorated bookstores, office doors, and light posts. Orange flyers for fun family events were stapled all about. A smile welled up in her heart. She thought to herself, rolling things around in her mind, ‘maybe it gets cold during fall because your heart gets so warm; we’d all overheat… who doesn’t want an excuse to wear big sweaters and cuddle up… maybe fall is the season of love and unity. Why shouldn’t it be?’
(I’m currently changing the entirety of this section, so bear with me 😁)
Daisy stepped out into the whipping Boston wind again, her heart warm and her resume full of opportunity. She could feel the future brimming before her with possibility.