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Diaries My journey

“Regrats”

I know I have regrets, but I’d not like to live alone with them.

I have regrets, but sometimes my head is too loud to know what’s perfect to do in the moment I make the mistake. I do my best, but most of the time, I’m not even good.

If you asked me if I had regrets, I would say yes, I do. Sometimes it boils down to the letters of the words I say, but sometimes it’s the things I do, not the things I say… or the things I don’t do or say, rather than the things I do.

Sometimes I don’t understand, or I misunderstand. Sometimes I think I know more than I do. Sometimes I forget how to do something best and sometimes, I’ve not even got there yet.

But if I make mistakes with you, please let me know. Help me to understand, let me know how I could do it better. I promise I always try to do my best, and sometimes my best is just so human and my efforts so fallible. I want to make it right. I want to fix what I did wrong and I want to be better going forward for next time.

I just need a little patience and a hefty serving of grace, because as much as I try to be perfect, I hope you know that I am human, and I will be as imperfect as they come.

I don’t try to be ugly. I don’t mean to have a dark heart or a shadowed mind. I don’t want to be so human, but here I am and flesh are we.

Please stick around. I’ll do my best–the best that I can. But when I mess up, don’t give up on me. Most likely, if I’m honest, I probably overthought that choice and picked one of several things that were scary for me to try.

I promise my intentions are always good–or I try to keep them that way. I promise I will always look after your well being and best interest. I can be selfish at times, but I don’t like it when I am and I try not to be.

Sometimes I get jealous, too. I try not to, because I know you are you and you deserve to be free. Claim your independence, please! I hope you know I want what’s best for you, even if it’s against what I want or desire. Whether I like it or not, do what’s best for you, please. You’d do us both a great service, if you acted in the freedom of your independent soul. I do ask for loyalty, but even that is your choice to give. Just please be honest with what you choose and your intention. Do not claim loyalty one day and take it back the next.

Please act in your truth, let us not be shrouded in lies. I hope we find our truth soon. I hope forgiveness is an eligible expense. Because I know I have regrets, but I’d not like to live alone with them.

By Alyssa McClure

I fancy myself a writer, a tea drinker, and a stare-at-the-sky kind of gal :)
I am currently writing "Kanda Land", "The Universe Inside Her II: a book of unsorted poetic letters", and, of course, "The 'Eternal I'" is in the works!
blog email: alyssamcclure@poppintalk.com

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