Look into my eyes, oh you
who are crazy for me;
my beautiful lover,
peer into my soul.
What do you see?
Explain it to me.
“Oh, one whom I love and whom I adore—
the one whom my heart desires—
I see darkness and misery
expanding as far as any eye can see,
Now, tell me, oh lover, map this out:
Show me where it all came from.
Lead me to wherefrom it sprung
and point it out.
So she led me to a well,
old and tattered,
in the center of the sea of my darkness.
She said to me,
“See? Here is where it all has come up from;
it comes from all the places which you have opened to and accepted from;
all the places from which you’ve taken in love with the bucket of your heart.”
So I said,
“And why is it all black? Why does it turn all things dreary and bleak?”
She told me simply, as though it were a natural thought; a breath or a blink,
“Because it was tainted.
Tainted with lust and lies, dishonesty and dis-intention.”
So she understood the ever-flowing waters
of my deepest pain.
And, alas, all this that I have shown her
is the reason why I said,
“Then you see why I cannot love you. You see why I cannot accept the offers of your love and sweet words of your heart.
You understand why I’ve barred my gate
and kept none near and all far.
You cannot retort when I say, ‘I cannot let you love me.’”
“But see how the lake which runs from my hands
is pure and clear and clean!”
She pleads, showing me the crystal waterfalls which flow between her hands,
“See how it washes the darkness it touches!
See how it sparkles with goodness and healing!”
No, I cannot accept it, darling;
I cannot accept your advances of love nor gift of heart.
I cannot trust the waters you reach out to me with,
for all I’ve drawn from the outside, and other’s hearts,
has been a sticky, hopeless mess–even turns to this when it wasn’t before.
I will not give in to you.
I will not trust you nor accept your heart into mine.
You would be crushed under the weight of these waters.
I am neck deep!
We both would drown.
It is for both of our sakes.
Taken from The Universe Inside Her II