Kanda Land P.16

There is a shift happening in our flames’ dynamic. Can you catch it?
! T.W. !
Please note, there is mention of firearms.

to: beginning to: previous


The flames split once again after a brief meeting when V happened upon E at the little blue house. E runs off into the forest, but soon realizes she’ll need to stay out at the blue house. V settles down in a small Alabama town with E on her mind.


Not able to sleep, E goes outside to get a smoke. She sits on a bench outside in the warm light of the lantern hanging by the door. But then she notices someone standing on the other side of the highway. A shadowed figure peering at her. Oh Shit. Oh shit, oh shit. No, no, no. Please, no. The figure looks both ways down the highway then crosses. By the way the person walks, she knows it’s S. She is staring at E. “See what happens, E? When you leave people behind that you love? That you love?” She maniacally laughs. And, seemingly on cue, a black van slowly drives into view until it is nearly parallel with her. The passenger side window is rolled down and there is V, either drugged up or asleep. No, definitely drugged. She feels a hand on her own shoulder then and turns to throw a punch to the jaw, but her arm slings through air, there’s no one there. I’m feeling things. S walks around the car and faces her, “Come here, E. Come on, babe, you wouldn’t leave V to die would you?! It’s you or her. You or her; take your pick, you pretty whore.” She grins evilly and a man hoists V out of the seat and opens the back door for E. But then S fires a shot, without giving E but one second of a chance to answer or move. She’s not sure where the shot was fired to, the gun was not focused on V, but nonetheless, the small figure is dropped to the asphalt. Both S and the man maniacally laugh and then S crawls into the passenger side of the car and they drive off cackling.

“V!” E bends over her tiny figure. “V, come on. Baby, it’s okay, I’m right here, I’m not going anywhere; please!” But V doesn’t respond. “V, please!” She hugs V close and cries into her neck. She goes to kiss her forehead, but then V is disappeared. No one at all lays in her lap. She’s gone. No, no, I’m hallucinating… I’m hallucinating. Shit.

“V!” E awakes from the horrible dream, sweating and heaving, her heart pounding and body weak and shaking as if it were a jackhammer. Oh my God. “Hooh.” She breathes in an attempt to calm herself, but it comes out shaky and broken.

I have to handle this. And I have to do it alone. Eleven miles and six hours later, just as the sun is peeking through the treetops, E arrives back at the hotel parking lot, where the black van that she’d seen S walk to on the phone that day sat waiting for her. She half expected to see S even though she was supposedly in jail, and she dared not approach the car.

“S!? S.” She shouted in a confronting manner, trying to stare into the side mirror or the window from across the parking lot. “Where is that Bitch?” she whispered under her breath, partially afraid she might come out of nowhere.

A man’s face appeared in the side mirror then and stared right at her for only a second, and then he turned away from the mirror. This man was definitely associated with S. He didn’t look confused. He looked at her like he knew exactly who she was. Her face went ghostly pale white. “Please no.” She whispered to herself under her breath. Fuck. She heard the car start and saw it slowly backing up.

She bolted into the hotel and up to the front desk.

“Woah! It’s you!” The front desk kid looked at her wide-eyed and she looked back at him wider-eyed, “I need you to call the authorities, please. And please don’t let that man in the black truck come in here.” She urgently pleaded.

“Oh! Oh yeah, sure.” He hurried about doing what she said.

She sat down in the lobby, shaking. The kid looked at her with a grin and gave her a thumbs up. She forced a smile and returned the thumbs up, inwardly rolling her eyes and in panic. As he talked with the cop on the other line, E dropped her face into her hands. She felt like she could cry of overwhelm, but she sucked in the tears and forced them to stay inside, then sat there in misery, crying out in agony to all her inner worlds for help. “God I wish V were here.”

Her mind wandered to the dream she’d had this morning and shuddered. It still haunted her. She began to felt uncomfortable and restless.

“V,…” E tosses and turns and awakes again. Sheesh. Another double dream. She’s been having those recently. She props herself up on an elbow. It’s light outside, and she’s still on the couch in the little blue house. Am I still dreaming? She turns her head to look out the backdoor window, a little swallow bounced from one post of the chicken coop to another and then flitted away. I can’t be.

She really did need a smoke, though, so she quietly opened the glass door and sat against the wall. Pulling a cane and lighter from her pocket, she lit the cigarette and gently puffed it until the end glowed and the cane smoked. She stared out toward the trees, her left arm tucked to her chest, behind her knees. It was a quiet morning. The earth was still cool from the dew risen from the grass and a very light fog hugged the yard. It was chilly as early mornings are.

She sat quietly, listening to the birds and feeling the crisp morning air, and puffing on this cigarette. She sat quite still, though her thoughts were thickly in her head and were quick on their toes; there was nearly no use in trying to make sense of them. She half ignored them, half pondered on them. Isn’t that what mornings are for, after all? Letting the thoughts just come and go as a river?

Once the cane was only a small butt, E tilted it to look at it. She could get another puff or two, maybe. But she snuffed it out after only another small drag, when it was becoming too small to hold.

Just as she was getting up to go inside, Adeline came outside, “Oh, hi, miss E! I’m collecting eggs, you wanna come?”

“Sure, baby.” Adeline took her hand and pulled her to the chicken pen, where she unlatched the coop doors and let the chickens out into their fenced-in pen.

“We keep them in their house during the night so the wolves don’t get them. Mama said the wolves aren’t nice.”

E chuckled, “Your momma’s a smart woman.” She smiled at Adeline. And then, “I’ve never collected eggs before; this is my first time.”

“Really? Then I’ll show you.”

She takes E’s hand and says, “Before you reach in, you have to see if there’s chickens, and if there are, you have to be gentle and careful or they’ll peck you. But they were happy to go out today, so there aren’t any; see?”

E tilts her head to look into the coop, “Empty as a cookie jar on Christmas day. Let’s see…Anyone home?” She asks into the empty coop, “Yep, the coast is clear!”

Adeline giggles, “Chickens don’t speak English, silly. They speak chicken and they just cluck.”

“Oh, my bad.”

“It’s okay! You’ve never had chickens before.” She pulls E’s hand to a roost and holds her knuckles. “Pick it up gently and be careful not to drop it.” She squeezes E’s fingers around the egg and brings it back to the basket. “See? Now you can do it.”

“Like this?” E takes three other warm brown eggs and goes to place them into the straw bin over Adeline’s arm.

“Not three! You have to do it one at a time, that’s what daddy says.”

“Ah okay.” E puts two back.”

“Just like that! Good job!” She tells E that they’ll each take a side and then leaves the basket with her. E chuckles, watching her on the other side, piling eggs into her shirt and then coming back with them to carefully unload them into the basket.

When they’d collected most of them, she says, “It looks like the basket is getting full. We don’t want any to drop on the way inside, so we should take it in now.”

“I think you are very right.” E goes to pick up the basket, but Adeline is already kneeling down and takes it from around the sides and hoists it up to her chest.

“You got it?” Adeline nods, her face grimaced in concentration and laborious caution.

When they make it into the kitchen, E helps Adeline get the basket onto the table. Melinda is making grits and she looks back at them, “Well good morning, E! I wondered where you went off to.”

“Sorry, I was outside.”

“No worries! It looks like Adeline found an egg gathering pal!” She sees the brimming basket of fresh eggs.

E chuckled, “She taught me how to perfectly gather a good egg!”

“Is that so?” She beamed at Adeline who told her it was and that E did a good job, then giggled and ran off to find her daddy. Melinda smiled after her little child as she called to her dad, bouncing into the hallway.

About this same time, out in Alabama, V is just awoken and lying in bed. She plans to sit out in the local park and sketch. She has tried to put E out of her mind, but to no avail, and so she’s made friends with the thought of her being in her head. E will always be in my mind. There’s no use fighting it. Why pretend one way or another? I care and that’s that… and, of course, I love her. Sue me. I can’t help that I love her. She’s got a special place in my heart. Why would I pretend to not be so enthralled by such a beautiful person worth being enthralled by? Her essence envelops me. I can’t help that, either. And I don’t want to. I love my thoughts being full of E. I love my very essence being soaked and dripping with the aura of her soul. She’s the kind of soul that deserves to have pieces of her tucked in every little place for nature to awe at for decades and centuries to come. I’m taken with her.

And so, V was made peace with this love that resided between them making home within her.

She sat in the park all morning; by the pond and then on the bridge and then by the rolling hills and then near the trees and then on the playset on the playground once she exhausted unique landscapes to draw.

All the thinking her head had done all this time while her thoughts steeped as she sketched and wrote, began to overwhelm her and she swung on the swing quite numbly. As much as she was quite alright with she and E’s love, she missed E and wished she were really, really here, in physical person.

I wonder how she’s doing… And there comes full circle. The saturation of her with the wondering of E’s state. And this is what she mourned, that her life was very ignored by her own self, in E’s beautiful shadow. She didn’t quite have a thought that wasn’t ever touched by E’s being. And all her energy was invested and directed toward the one thing that wasn’t there: the lover that she missed.

She sighed. “How can I do something, anything, without it quietly being for her?”

Part 17 is in the works 😉

Thank you all for your continued support of Kanda Land. Below, you can tip me for your favorite stories, or you can view the whole Kanda Land series.

tips: my link page Kanda Land: view whole series

By Alyssa McClure

I fancy myself a writer, a tea drinker, and a stare-at-the-sky kind of gal :)
I am currently writing "Kanda Land", "The Universe Inside Her II: a book of unsorted poetic letters", and, of course, "The 'Eternal I'" is in the works!
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